LIFE BEYOND ABUSE
I was sexually, mentally, emotionally and verbally abused
by my father as far back as I can remember until I left home at the age of
eighteen. He did many terrible things…some which are too distasteful for me to
talk about publicly. But I want to share my testimony because so many people
have been hurt, and they need to realize that someone has made it through their
struggles so they can have hope.
More than anything, I want you to know and really understand
that anyone who has been abused can fully recover if they will give their life
completely to Jesus.
What Does “Abuse” Mean?
Abuse is defined as “to be
misused, used improperly or to be wasted; to use in such a way as to cause harm
or damage; to be treated cruelly.” Any time we are misused or used for a
purpose other than what God intended, it’s damaging. And I realize many people
can relate to this. For some of you reading this article, I’m just telling your
story. You know what it’s like to live with a terrible, shameful secret that is
eating you alive.
My father was a mean, controlling and manipulative person for
most of his life. He was unpredictable and unstable. As a result, the
atmosphere of our home was super-charged with fear because you never knew if
what you did would make him mad or not.
We always did what he wanted to do, when he wanted to do it. We
watched what he wanted to watch on TV, went to bed when he went to bed, got up
when he got up, and ate the meals he wanted us to eat…everything in our home
was determined by his moods and what he wanted.
The sexual abuse started when I was very young, and when he
decided I was mature enough, he took things even further. From this point until
I was eighteen, he raped me at least once a week. My father, whom I was
supposed to be able to trust and who was supposed to keep me safe, was the
person I came to fear the most.
Feelings of Shame and Loneliness
I was so profoundly ashamed because of this. I was ashamed of
me, and I was ashamed of my father and what he did. I was also constantly
afraid. There was no place I ever felt safe growing up. I don’t think we can
even begin to imagine what kind of damage this does to a child.
At school I pretended I had a normal life, but I felt lonely all
the time and different from everyone else. I never felt like I fit in, and I
wasn’t allowed to participate in after-school activities, go to sports events
or parties or date boys. Many times I had to make up stories about why I
couldn’t do anything with my classmates. For so long I lived with pretense and
lies.
What I learned about love was actually perversion. My father
told me what he did to me was special and because he loved me. He said
everything he did was good, but it had to be our secret because no one else
would understand and it would cause problems in the family. It became my burden
not to let my pain cause problems in our family. And as long as I kept this
secret, I couldn’t get free from the pain of it.
You may be wondering, Joyce, where was God in all of
this? He was there. He didn’t get me out of the situation
when I was a child, but He did give me the strength to get through it. It’s
true my father abused me and didn’t love and protect me the way he should have,
and at times it seemed no one would ever help me and it would never end.
But God always had a plan for my life, and He has redeemed me.
He has taken what Satan meant for harm and turned it into something good (see
Romans 8:28). He has taken away my shame and given me a double reward and
recompense (see Isaiah 61:7).
God Can Heal and Restore You
It may seem impossible, but God’s truth has set me free from a
life of pretense and lies and has restored my soul. I am living proof that
nothing is too hard for God. And no matter what you’ve been through or how bad
you hurt, there is hope!
That’s why I’m telling my story. You need to know how good God
is and that your struggle is worth it. If you will give your life to Christ and
really trust God, you can be completely healed and restored so you can live the
life Jesus died for you to have. Don’t give up.
All thanks to a mentor and a teacher , if you have CHRIST, you
have ALL.
Please report a case of child abuse, cruelty, and neglect, every
child has a right to be HAPPY no matter what.
HAPPY CHILD, HEALTHY CHILD
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