Keys to Powerful Living: Overcoming Child Abuse

Breaking Through The Veil Of Shame

Silent, uncontrollable sobbing ... Bruises and beatings ... Shoving and slapping ... Children so traumatized they're afraid of their own shadows. And the endless string of lies ... "He fell down." "It was an accident." But child abuse is no accident. It violates God's fundamental purpose for man. And parents and children around the world find themselves ensnared in its cruel clutches.

From Taboo to Truth

When people hear the term "child abuse" they may think it only occurs in under-educated, poverty-stricken families. However, this epidemic occurs in all types of families.

In Nigeria alone, reported cases of child abuse exceed 1 million each year, and some experts say the actual number of abuse victims may be far greater.

Types of child abuse include physical abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse and neglect. Affected children often suffer physical injuries, emotional scars, malnutrition, and sadly, even death. Child abuse also spiritually cripples precious young lives. These children may struggle to accept God as their loving heavenly Father (Matt. 18:5-6). Other family members often suffer silently. Even the offender suffers, increasingly bound by the shame and secrecy of the addictive behavior.

But as many have already discovered, there is hope. The vicious cycle of abuse can be broken, especially as we present our wounds to the Gentle Healer, Jesus Christ.

What Drives the Sin of Abuse?

So what causes child abuse? Often, parents who abuse their children have been victims of abuse themselves. Driven by years of repressed hatred, these parents continue the cycle.

Sometimes even the most dedicated parents can momentarily lose control -- frustrated by a child's actions or simply overwhelmed by their own sense of failure or frustration. But an isolated incident or two, left unchecked, can become a destructive force, tearing apart a family.

God's View of Abuse

The Bible gives much practical advise on the subject of child-rearing. "Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it," says the writer of Proverbs ( 22:6). Parents are clearly cautioned to take steps to correct foolishness which "is bound up in the heart of a child" ( Prov. 22:15).

Parental discipline is essential, but some parents view these Scriptures as giving absolute control over their children. This is not true. God's Word should never be used as a license for abuse. Parents need to discipline their children, but they must keep their own emotions and actions in check ( Eph. 6:4, Col. 3:21). In God's eyes there simply is no justification for abuse.

Finding Help

If you are trapped in the unrelenting cycle and sin of child abuse, don't leave this webpage until you have made a commitment before the Lord to break this destructive pattern. It won't be easy, but it could be a matter of life and death. Understand that you are not alone. Jesus knows you better that you could ever know yourself (see Psalm 139), and He is willing and able to help ( Heb. 4:15-16). But you need to ask for His grace to share honestly your struggle with a trusted brother or sister in Christ, or with your pastor. Follow these steps to get help.

1. Acknowledge the problem. To receive healing, admit that you have a problem. Once you've broken the silence and confessed your sin of abuse, God's grace and forgiveness can begin to restore you ( Psalm 32:3-7). 2. Acknowledge your weakness. Allow God to minister in your weakness, for in it He can make you strong ( 2 Cor. 12:9, Heb. 1:32-34). 3. Take action. Pray with other believers and share your struggles, seeking the help of pastors, or other appropriate counselors ( Prov. 15:22,James 5:16).

If You've Been Abused

If you have been the victim of abuse, you need to know that God has not abandoned you. He is "intimately acquainted" with all your ways ( Psalm 139:3). He knows your pain, and He has a plan for complete healing and restoration for your life. Consider these simple steps as you seek the Father's healing.

1. Face the abuse. The shame associated with abuse is unbearable. You can hide the pain for a season, but eventually, the wounds will surface. But take comfort, for God knows the horror that you have unjustly endured (see Psalm 139, Matt. 10:29-31). Ask God for the strength to face your nightmare of abuse.

2. Forgive and release. As difficult as it may sound, you need to begin by forgiving the perpetrator for his or her actions against you. It may seem impossible, but the consequences of unforgiveness can produce even further destruction (2 Samuel 13:23-29). Instead, ask God to give you the grace you need to forgive (1 Samuel 1:15-17, Psalm 42:3-4, Psalm 62:8).

3. Seek shelter. If you are still in an abusive situation, immediately seek shelter. Consider turning to family members, your church family, or perhaps authorities if necessary. Ultimately, rest in God's shelter. Turn to His Word (the Psalms offer much encouragement for the downcast).

4. Move on. Once you have taken steps to forgive, ask God to help you pick up the pieces, and seek again the abundant life in Jesus that He has for you ( John 10:10). Press on and leave the past to God ( Phil. 3:13-14).

As You Pray

If your life has been devastated by child abuse, turn to Jesus right now, and, on bended knee, ask Him to take control of your life: "Dear Lord. I have never been confronted with a deeper, more urgent need than right now. Please minister to me and my family members in Your perfect love and compassion. Break the chains which bind us. And restore us to the joy of Your salvation as we receive forgiveness and healing in Christ Jesus. Amen."

God's Word on Child Abuse

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise), that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth. And, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." ( Eph. 6:1-4)

                               

Discipline and it effect on children................

WHAT IS DISCIPLINE?

 Discipline is the suppression of base desires, and is usually understood to be synonymous with restraint and control. Self-discipline is to some extent a substitute for motivation. Discipline is when one uses reason to determine the best course of action regardless of one's desires, which may be the opposite of excited. Virtuous behaviour can be described as when one's values are aligned with one's aims: to do what one knows is best and to do it gladly

Child discipline: is the methods used to prevent future behavioural problems in children. The word discipline is defined as imparting knowledge and skill, in other words, to teach. In its most general sense, discipline refers to systematic instruction given to a disciple. To discipline means to instruct a person to follow a particular code of conduct.

Discipline is used by parents to teach their children about expectations, guidelines and principles. Children need to be given regular discipline to be taught right from wrong and to be maintained safe. Child discipline can involve rewards and punishments to teach self-control, increase desirable behaviours and decrease undesirable behaviours. While the purpose of child discipline is to develop and entrench desirable social habits in children, the ultimate goal is to foster sound judgement and morals so the child develops and maintains self-discipline throughout the rest of his/her life.
Because the values, beliefs, education, customs and cultures of people vary so widely, along with the age and temperament of the child, methods of child discipline vary widely. Child discipline is a topic that draws from a wide range of interested fields, such as parenting, the professional practice of behaviour analysis, developmental psychology, social work, and various religious perspectives. In recent years, advances in the understanding of attachment parenting have provided a new background of theoretical understanding and advanced clinical and practical understanding of the effectiveness and outcome of parenting methods.


The Book of Proverbs mentions the importance of disciplining children, as opposed to leaving them neglected or unruly, in several verses. Interpretation of these verses varies, as do many passages from the Bible, from literal to metaphorical. The most often paraphrased is from Proverbs 13:24, "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes." (King James Version.) Other passages that mention the 'rod' are Proverbs 23:14, "Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell," and Proverbs 29:15, "The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.  Although the Bible's lessons have been paraphrased for hundreds of years, the modern phrase, "Spare the rod and spoil the child," was coined by Samuel Butler, in Hudibras, a mock heroic narrative poem published in 1663. The Contemporary English Version of Proverbs 13:24 is: 'If you love your children you will correct them; if you don't love them, you won't correct them'.

How Controll Affect a Growing Child

 

In psychology-related slang, the term control describes a person who attempts to dictate how everything is done around them.

Control persons are often perfectionists defending themselves against their own inner vulnerabilities  in the belief that if they are not in total control they risk exposing themselves once more to childhood angst. Such persons manipulate and pressure others to change so as to avoid having to change themselves, and use power over others to escape an inner emptiness. When a control freak's pattern is broken, “the 
 Controller is left with a terrible feeling of powerlessness ... but feeling their pain and fear brings them back to themselves.

Every child is different, but for me it had profound effects throughout my life, and still does. It took me years to process what happened to me. When someone doesn't show, you love, you don't learn to love. That doesn't even include the physical abuse, mental abuse, or sexual abuse. Permanently walking away from my abuser helped me the most, but I think any child will have long term effects.

During the medieval times in Europe, corporal punishment was a very common and usual practice. Children were called miniature adults and punishment was believed to be the only way to tame them. Sadly, corporal punishment is still practiced.

"when I was at 6 years of age, my mum will slap me because I left her hand in the middle of the road and started running across the street"

The above situation is acceptable. This is a form of conditioning. Whenever a child does something which is not at all acceptable (like the one given in the example), spanking the kid once is alright. If you get lenient there, the kid would do it again.

"my mum hit my 8-year-old with a wooden rod because I didn't finish my dinner"

This is absolutely unacceptable, and if done repeatedly, it would fit the definition of physical abuse. Everything that physically hurts the child such as hitting with something, burning, pushing, pinching, etc. comes under physical abuse. This form of ill-treatment to children is very common at homes and schools as well.

Now coming to the point, how does it affect a child?

When a child is physically abused, it creates a lasting impact on the little one's brain. 

You might have heard of children who have issues with their academics. They don't seem to be able to perform well. They just wouldn't care. They don't do it on purpose though. There are other types of kids who have behavioral issues. They seem extremely cranky and demanding or extremely shy and reserved. Some kids on the other hand prefer to stay aloof and don’t make many friends. Such kids have trust issues.

Why are there such upheavals amongst these kids? Physical abuse is the answer. Such is the intensity of the damage physical abuse can cause to a child.

But it doesn't end here.

When these children grow up, they continue having psychological issues. Following are some mental disorders associated with child physical abuse:

-Depression: a state of mind producing serious, long term lowering of enjoyment of life or inability to visualize a happy future.

-Bipolar Disorder: a psychiatric diagnostic category, previously called manic depression characterized by mood swings between great energy and depression

-Borderline personality disorder: someone who is not clearly on one side or the other of a decision, an indecisive person or ambiguous.  

-Narcissistic personality disorder: a personality disorder characterized largely by an over-inflated sense of self-importance typically caused by unbalanced parental valuation during childhood

-Eating Disorders: a psychological disorder characterized by abnormal eating habits

-Social phobia: inability to socialize.

-Dysmorphia : a psychological disorder whose sufferer believes that their body is wrong or not in good shape.

And so, on ……...

All of this chaos can be prevented if parents and educators stop beating up children for unreasonable reasons and use simple operant conditioning methods. If a behavior is followed by a reward, the frequency of the behavior increases. However, if the same behavior is followed by a punishment, the behavior is less likely to occur.

Punishment here does not mean beating, spanking or hitting a child. If you want to punish a child, take away his favorite toy for a week, or don't serve him his favorite fruit loops the next morning.

There is a huge difference between conditioning a child and physical abuse.

October is Bully prevention awareness month

This month, the world comes together to raise awareness for bullying prevention and to reflect on where we have been, where we are now, and where we hope to be in the years to come. This year’s Bullying Prevention Awareness Month marks the 10th anniversary of its initiation by PACER's National Bullying Prevention Center. Since 2006, the event has grown to an entire month of education and awareness activities, and is being recognized by schools and communities throughout the world.

This month serves as a reminder that bullying prevention must be addressed, and one way to accomplish this is through educating ourselves, our communities and the youth in our lives. So, as a Partner in Bullying Prevention, we ask that you take the time this month to become more aware of the serious consequences of bullying and to learn more about what you can do prevent bullying. These efforts are highly important for parents and teachers, but also for youth themselves. This month is about our individual and collective voice, which is why our blogs will feature “Youth Voice” -- personal stories that will be featured throughout the month from groups that are likely to experience bullying. 

i will be starting with my personal bully experience,  on the 14/10/2016, kindly drop your bully experience in hhcichildren@gmail.com, please spread the news, to create more enlightenment and awareness.

ALIA STORY (A short video clip of what HHCI fight for) movie produced and directed by Nuhu Dalyop films

“There is something about being loved and protected by a parent (or guardian) knowing that I can be loved for who I am, not what I can do, or might one day become. Unfortunately it’s not usually like this in every single situation. From time to time, my parents made mistakes during my childhood. Possibly I was the mistake, or unwanted. But I don’t know. I had every material thing that I could have ever wanted, but there was still something missing, as if I felt distanced from my parents, or misunderstood, in the ways that they treated me. At times, I had felt completely loved and accepted by my parents, but for one reason or another, they were unable to care for me, provide for me, in some ways that would have been very important. Sometimes I feel like I am trying to make up for the experiences in life that were absent when I was a child.” 

- by Jonathan

N.B

as parents/caregivers loads of responsibility is embedded on us , for the proper care of our children, make no lose of this responsibilities, to a sure us a brighter tomorrow for our children.

 kindly report a case of any child's cruelty, violence, neglect and abuse.

hhcichildren@gmail.com

08138304862

WELCOME TO THE HAPPY HEALTHY CHILDREN'S INITIATIVE BLOG PAGE

HELLO FRIENDS,

You are welcome to the proper blog page of HHCICHILDREN,

This program is focused on an integrated approach of rehabilitating and empowering abused children. It involves creating awareness about the prevention of abuse, identifying abused children, understanding the root causes, taking detailed information for each case history (establishing timelines, identifying perpetrators and their relationship to the abused persons.

It involves handling the physical, emotional and psychological trauma associated with abuse, providing intervention and pattern interrupts to reframe the gestalt of Fear, Hurt, Anger, Sadness, Guilt and Shame).

It also entails collaborating with other third parties in the child’s circle of influence, such as parents, guardians, peer-group, mentors etc. in order to develop practical steps that will prevent further abuse, creating safe spaces and a network of trusted professionals whom the affected children may speak with in confidence.

Overall, it is about moving children from being victims to being survivors with the requisite coping and resilience skills. And also engaging, educating and empowering parents and childcare providers on the triggers, signals and proper care of abused children.

Dear friends, it will be our pleasure, for you to direct and link us to victims you know, and trust us for secure privacy and confidentiality.

CHEERS 

HHCICHILDREN

The Gardens Of Ailana

 From “The Gardens of Ailana”, a fiction largely based around adults still traumatized by having been abused as children, in the name of their parents’ religion.” 

By  Edward Fahey,

“Paulette awoke with an ache in her heart, a grinding in her gut. If there really was a God, why would He have let anyone put a child through that? …
She had survived, but at what cost? She was an itinerant professor, living in her head, not her heart. She had broken away, but abandoned her sister; hadn’t contacted her family in years.
Paulette wondered what she was looking for in these weekend workshops. Absolution wasn’t on the curriculum. What could she possibly hope to accomplish? To be a healer you need to connect with people. You need to touch, and let yourself be touched. And not just with your hands.
Watching these nurses, she envied them their friendships. Here were real buddies truly caring about each other, taking jabs, sharing private jokes and fears. She’d never had that. Even witnessing it from across a room, or a yard, only made her feel that much more lonely.
She got along with people well enough. Agreed with whatever they said, watched their pets, helped them move from one apartment to another. But no one really knew her.
Paulette had never been flush with self-confidence. People took that as humility, but humility isn’t painful and crippling. She hadn’t yet learned that humble and self-destructive aren’t the same thing at all. They’re not even on the same team.
And now here she was at a workshop for healers. Had she come here to heal; or to be healed?
It was one of those warm, charming days that write poems about themselves, and then settle these very softly into your mind. Paulette sensed what felt like a rain-laced breeze stirring her soul; sodden, and yet beautiful; laden with both the dismal, and the promising.

JOYCE MEYER STORY (LIFE BEYOND ABUSED)

LIFE BEYOND ABUSE

I was sexually, mentally, emotionally and verbally abused by my father as far back as I can remember until I left home at the age of eighteen. He did many terrible things…some which are too distasteful for me to talk about publicly. But I want to share my testimony because so many people have been hurt, and they need to realize that someone has made it through their struggles so they can have hope.

More than anything, I want you to know and really understand that anyone who has been abused can fully recover if they will give their life completely to Jesus.

What Does “Abuse” Mean?

Abuse is defined as “to be misused, used improperly or to be wasted; to use in such a way as to cause harm or damage; to be treated cruelly.” Any time we are misused or used for a purpose other than what God intended, it’s damaging. And I realize many people can relate to this. For some of you reading this article, I’m just telling your story. You know what it’s like to live with a terrible, shameful secret that is eating you alive.

My father was a mean, controlling and manipulative person for most of his life. He was unpredictable and unstable. As a result, the atmosphere of our home was super-charged with fear because you never knew if what you did would make him mad or not.

We always did what he wanted to do, when he wanted to do it. We watched what he wanted to watch on TV, went to bed when he went to bed, got up when he got up, and ate the meals he wanted us to eat…everything in our home was determined by his moods and what he wanted.

The sexual abuse started when I was very young, and when he decided I was mature enough, he took things even further. From this point until I was eighteen, he raped me at least once a week. My father, whom I was supposed to be able to trust and who was supposed to keep me safe, was the person I came to fear the most.

Feelings of Shame and Loneliness

I was so profoundly ashamed because of this. I was ashamed of me, and I was ashamed of my father and what he did. I was also constantly afraid. There was no place I ever felt safe growing up. I don’t think we can even begin to imagine what kind of damage this does to a child.

At school I pretended I had a normal life, but I felt lonely all the time and different from everyone else. I never felt like I fit in, and I wasn’t allowed to participate in after-school activities, go to sports events or parties or date boys. Many times I had to make up stories about why I couldn’t do anything with my classmates. For so long I lived with pretense and lies.

What I learned about love was actually perversion. My father told me what he did to me was special and because he loved me. He said everything he did was good, but it had to be our secret because no one else would understand and it would cause problems in the family. It became my burden not to let my pain cause problems in our family. And as long as   I kept this secret, I couldn’t get free from the pain of it.

You may be wondering, Joyce, where was God in all of this? He was there. He didn’t get me out of the situation when I was a child, but He did give me the strength to get through it. It’s true my father abused me and didn’t love and protect me the way he should have, and at times it seemed no one would ever help me and it would never end.

But God always had a plan for my life, and He has redeemed me. He has taken what Satan meant for harm and turned it into something good (see Romans 8:28). He has taken away my shame and given me a double reward and recompense (see Isaiah 61:7).

God Can Heal and Restore You

It may seem impossible, but God’s truth has set me free from a life of pretense and lies and has restored my soul. I am living proof that nothing is too hard for God. And no matter what you’ve been through or how bad you hurt, there is hope!

That’s why I’m telling my story. You need to know how good God is and that your struggle is worth it. If you will give your life to Christ and really trust God, you can be completely healed and restored so you can live the life Jesus died for you to have. Don’t give up.

All thanks to a mentor and a teacher , if you have CHRIST, you have ALL.

Please report a case of child abuse, cruelty, and neglect, every child has a right to be HAPPY no matter what.

HAPPY CHILD, HEALTHY CHILD